A recent Seattle Times article about Big Brothers Big Sisters of Puget Sound delivered a welcome demonstration of concern for boys. In this blog post, we highlight seven stand-out excerpts from that article.
Background: Annual coverage of Big Brothers Big Sisters
Big Brothers Big Sisters is a nonprofit organization that matches children with adult volunteers for one-to-one mentoring relationships. Boys are typically matched with men and girls are matched with women.
The Seattle Times publishes a feature article about Big Brothers Big Sisters every year because they are one of the beneficiaries of the newspaper’s annual charity fundraiser. Award-winning journalist Erik Lacitis wrote this year’s article — and he did a great job with it.
In this blog post we highlight seven remarkable pieces of information included in the article that connect with WIBM’s mission of advancing empathy and equality for Washington’s boys and men.
1. Waiting list of children is 72% boys
While past years’ articles about Big Brothers Big Sisters did not provide a gender breakdown of the children on the waiting list, this year’s article does.
[Big Brothers Big Sisters of Puget Sound] is working with 1,200 children — almost evenly divided between boys and girls — who have mentors. The waiting list is 403 children long, and 72% are boys. (emphasis added)
That works out to 290 boys and 113 girls on the waiting list. Therefore the greater need, by a large margin, is among boys. In other words, in the Puget Sound area a child’s sex impacts the ability of Big Brothers Big Sisters to match him or her with a mentor.
2. Deficit of men, surplus of women
Big Brothers Big Sisters has an interesting mismatch between its demand for volunteer mentors and its supply of mentors.
While there is a shortage of male volunteers to be Big Brothers, there are lots of women waiting to help out young girls. Davis-Doss says the agency is “actually recruiting for girls” to be mentored. It has 630 women on a waiting list to be Big Sisters. (emphasis added)
In other words, while there are far more women signed up to be mentors than there are girls signed up to be mentored, the reverse is true for males. BBBS has attracted far more boys who want a big brother than men who want to be a big brother.
If you’re a child who wants a mentor through Big Brothers Big Sisters, you’re better off being a girl.
Some boys spend over a year on the waiting list, wishing for a male role model to establish a regular presence in their lives. Considering the mismatch between the demand and supply of volunteer mentors, we hope Big Brothers Big Sisters is laser focused on improving their recruitment of men.
3. Many children live apart from their dads
In an earlier blog post, we showed that 30% of households with children in Washington are single-parent households. And there are more than two times as many households headed by a single mom than a single dad. This means, of course, that there are many more boys than girls who do not have regular interaction with their same-sex parent. This is a grave issue of gender inequality. Boys are missing out.
We are grateful that Mr. Lacitis’s article in The Seattle Times points out America’s high rate of children living only with their mom.
The U. S. census this year noted the dramatic increase in children living with their mothers only: 21% of children in 2020, compared with 11% in 1968.
The United States ranks #1 in the world for the percentage of children living in single-parent households. Quoting from a Pew Research Center article from 2019, “Almost a quarter of U.S. children under the age of 18 live with one parent and no other adults, which is more than three times the average share of children around the world who do so.”
This is a tragedy, and a disgrace.
4. ‘My sons need a man in their life’
Another excerpt from the The Seattle Times article that we want to highlight is a quote from Cady, a single mom of three boys. She says:
There is only so much a woman can do. [My sons] need a man that likes basketball, football, somebody they can open up to and bond with, to guide them, other than just Mom. Women and men speak a different language.
When we discuss public policy, social justice, and the welfare of our communities, it is imperative that we not neglect the wisdom in Cady’s assertion.
5. Studies show boys need fathers
We particularly appreciate that the article’s author acknowledges that dad-deprived boys are, on average, at a disadvantage compared to dad-enriched boys.
A number of studies show the importance of father figures in boys’ lives. A 2011 paper published in the nonpartisan National Bureau of Economic Research looked at absent fathers and juvenile delinquency. “Adolescent boys engage in more delinquent behavior if there is no father figure in their lives,” it concluded.
6. Dad deprivation harms boys and girls differently
Not only does the reporter mention that dad absence hurts boys, but he also notes that the researchers in the above-mentioned study did not find that girls and boys were equitably impacted by a lack of regular involvement with their fathers.
…As for adolescent girls, the researchers said their behavior was independent of the presence or absence of their fathers.
Undoubtedly girls are affected when their dads are absent from their lives. The impact on boys, though, is more severe. This is a no-brainer. No matter how high-quality of a parent a mother may be, she cannot model healthy adult masculinity to her son.
7. Encouraging men to become mentors
There are two places in the article where the reporter seems to be offering encouragement to his adult male readers to take the step of signing up as a mentor with Big Brothers Big Sisters. ‘It’s not that hard’ and ‘You can do it,’ he seems to be saying.
“Many men don’t think that working with kids is their calling,” says Tanisha Davis-Doss, who oversees the mentoring programs. “Many men feel like if they’re not involved in a certain career or in a certain lifestyle, they can’t offer anything to youth. That’s not true.” It’s not somebody’s big-time occupation that matters. “When we ask our kids what’s the best thing that helps them, the majority say it’s just being there for them,” says Davis-Doss.
And…
[One of the mentors] went through the application process, filling out the form, having his background checked, being asked what kinds of activities he liked, and going through a 90-minute interview. Less than 1% of mentors are turned down. (emphasis added)
Conclusion: A welcome expression of care for boys
The Seattle Times article’s headline is “Sometimes what counts for a boy is just hanging out with a guy who cares”. It establishes a tone of care and empathy that continues throughout the piece.
We are grateful that on this year’s feature on Big Brothers Big Sisters, The Seattle Times and reporter Erik Lacitis included information that helps readers have greater concern for boys and an increased understanding of gender inequities impacting boys. We hope to see more coverage in mainstream journalism about the problems affecting boys — along with proven solutions that will make a difference.